A Son's Regret
by divsalley
Summary: Sokka reflects on the little time he got to spend with his mother. Takes place during 'The Southern Raiders'


Sokka tossed and turned in his tent as he thought about the events of the evening. Reliving the day his mother died had brought back some painful memories... He could understand why Zuko wanted to know, of course... but that didn't make it any easier for him. He sat up and thought about how futile it was for him to try and sleep. He walked out of his tent and was relieved to note that everyone else was alseep in their tents. He exhaled as he looked up at the moon. Then he looked away...

"That's one more person I've lost," he told himself slowly. Then he closed his eyes as a distant memory came to him.

* * *

_He rushed back to their igloo after the Fire Natiom left their shores. He didn't know why, but he felt that something was horribly wrong... As he walked in, he found Katara crying in their father's arms. There __**was**__ something wrong here. He looked around and then walked towards his father._

"Where's mom?" he asked. Katara's cries got louder as she gripped their father tighter and sobbed as he tried to console her. Hakoda pulled his son into an embrace.

"Something terrible has happened, Sokka... Your mother... she died in this raid," Hakoda said sadly. Sokka was stunned.

"No," Sokka said automatically. Hakoda tried to grip his shoulder, but he jerked his father's hand away and ran outside... He waited there for his mother to come back home. He didn't care that he could die of hypothermia while sitting there. But he just couldn't believe that his mother was dead... Gone forever...

"Mom!" he yelled as loudly as he could. No one answered. "Mom!" he yelled again in a shaky voice as he stood on a cliff overlooking the tribe. Tears streamed down his face. They burnt his cold skin maliciously. He just stood there waiting for his mother to answer.

The wind howled mercilessly as he shivered under the night sky... His feet were numb from the cold even under his warm boots. Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted. He turned to see his father, who wordlessly carried him back home.

"She's not coming back, is she?" Sokka asked him sadly as he realized what his father had said was true.

Hakoda sighed and said, "No, she isn't." The pain in his father's voice drove the point home. Even with their tribe being raided every week or so, he'd never been this distressed about anything. He cried into his father's chest as he felt his strong arms envelope him in a hug.

* * *

Tears streamed down Sokka's face even now as he thought about how suddenly their mother had been taken away from them. How could he ever forgive himself now? He'd never see her again... He'd never feel her loving arms around him again in a comforting embrace which was something only **_she'd_** been able to do...

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, mom," he whispered. "I thought we'd have **_years_** to spend together, but... I was wrong." Then he watched the sun rise slowly over the horizon. His deepest regret, he realized, was not losing Yue or leaving Suki to rot in prison... He wished more than anything that he could have more time with his mother. How many times had he passed up an opportunity to spend time with her in favor of going with his father? How many times had he squirmed out of her hugs just because he felt he was too old to be pampered by his mother? He cursed himself for it now. He'd never have that again... and it was **_his_** fault.

He'd assumed, had he not, that nothing would happen to their family? Even with all the raids going on, he'd been **_absolutely_** sure that nothing would happen to any one of them. He'd so easily assumed that his mother would be there for him for years to come... Everytime he'd pass on an opportunity to spend time with her, he'd assuaged his conscience by telling himself that there would be more time later...

**_But he was wrong._**

He sighed as his friends awoke one by one and greeted him. Oddly, he didn't feel tired as he got up to see Suki himself. A beautiful smile adorned her face as he approached her.

"Hey, Sokka!" she said as he suddenly pulled her into a tight embrace. She was mildly surprised, but didn't mind in the slightest. "What's going on?"she asked him after a minute.

"I'm so glad I found you again," he said gratefully. She knew he meant it. She smiled as she slowly pulled away.

"I am, too," she said as she smiled at him. "But... there's something bothering you."

"No, I'm fine... Go join the others. I'll be there soon," he said. Then he sat down and took an unfinished necklace out of his pocket after Suki was far away. He smiled as he looked at his handiwork. He'd almost forgotten about his worries until he saw Zuko and Katara walk up to Aang who was feeding Appa.

"I need to borrow Appa," Katara said. Sokka knew that tone. He hoped for Aang's sake that he'd put this across as carefully as possible.

"Why? Is it your turn to take a little field trip with Zuko?" Aang asked lightly. Sokka had to smirk at this. Both he and Aang had recently been on field trips with the young Prince.

"Yes, it is," Katara said in the same, angry tone. Sokka could tell she wasn't mad at Aang, but something was **_definitely_** bothering her.

"Oh... What's going on?" Aang asked apprehensively.

"We're going to find the man who took my mother from me!" Katara said angrily. Sokka's eyebrows shot up at this. He walked up to them cautiously.

"Sokka told me the story of what happened. I know who did it. And I know how to find him," Zuko said as he walked over.

"Umm... and what exactly do you think this would accomplish?" Aang asked. Sokka winced inwardly. That would tick Katara off. He watched as Zuko and Katara explained why this was important.

"Katara, you sound like Jet," Aang said after a particularly angry outburst.

"It's not the same! Jet attacked the **_innocent._** This man... he's a **_monster!"_** Katara said.

Sokka had had enough... He knew Katara was in pain over the incident... She always would be... "Katara, she was my mother, too. But I think Aang might be right!" he told his sister.

"Then you didn't love her the way **_I_** did!" Katara spat. There it was... **_The_** difference. Was it true? Was Katara right about that?

"Katara!" he exclaimed as his sister looked away. The rest of the conversation was a blur. He couldn't help but think that Katara was right... For the second time today, regret washed over him as he thought of his mother again.

He walked away from there, stowing the necklace he was making back in his pocket. He didn't know where he was going, but he was suddenly at the edge of a cliff. He sighed and sat down as he remembered his mother again...

* * *

_He was nine years old... He couldn't wait to go play._

"Sokka, you're not going out to play without breakfast!" his mother yelled.

"Awww, mom!" Sokka whined. "Can't it wait?"

"Young man, one day, when I'm gone, you'll wonder why no one else nags you the way I do!" Kya said with a smile. Sokka gave her a fleeting hug.

"I promise I'll be back soon!" he said as he ran out... He had no idea that it'd be the last time he'd ever see her alive.

* * *

"You were right, mother... I **_do_** miss you... **_Terribly,"_** Sokka said remorsefully. Suddenly, he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He turned around to find Suki.

"Are you ok, Sokka?" she asked him.

"Just... thinking about my mother," Sokka said honestly.

"Oh," Suki said sadly, knowing what had happened to her. "What happened out there today, Sokka? Katara seemed pretty mad."

Sokka slowly told her how Zuko had offered to help Katara find their mother's killer... and how that had led to an argument. When he got to the part when Katara said he didn't love their mother enough, Suki winced.

"She's angry, Sokka... I'm sure she didn't mean it," she said as she gripped his hand.

"I know... But what bothers me is that... it's true," Sokka admitted sadly. "I always put dad first... Katara was closer to her than I was."

Suki sighed as she said, "Sokka... that doesn't mean you loved her any less!"

"I know that... But did **_she_** know that?" Sokka asked doubtfully. Suki smiled at him kindly.

"I'm **_absolutely_** sure that she did," she said as she kissed him and left. The sincerity in her voice was enough for him.

"I love you, mom... And I miss you very much," he said as he looked at the skies, hoping his mother would hear.


End file.
